Sunday, August 23, 2009

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

So, this blog post has been a long time coming. In forming in my head, and in finding the time to sit down and actually type it out and post.

So much has been happening in my life the last few months :) My Etsy shop has taken off and my websites seem to be quite popular. I've got a flea market booth and some items soon to be in local shops. I'm hoping to start teaching classes in the fall as well and am launching a paper*cakes crafts site .

Anyways, right now, summer has been so busy I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I feel like I'm trying and trying and trying to get things done, and they just don't get done. I don't even sleep anymore - I recently went over 40 hours without sleeping. Hubby and I have been fighting over "who does enough" - which is stupid, because we both do as much as we can. The heat has been driving me crazy, I am a very white girl and not meant to withstand 40 celcius plus some crazy ass humidex! (don't get me wrong, this summer has been amazing, but it's time for the seasons to change!)

My online popularity has *exploded* recently, which is AWESOME - but sometimes I don't know how to handle all of the things that go with that. Sometimes, it's weird to be recognized at the store :) with this popularity has come a lot of orders and a lot on interest in the things I'm doing. So much so that I can officially no longer keep up and am admitting on my blog that I am behind behind, I am so behind I can see four years ago in the distance LOL.

This post has been really hard for me to type.. I've been going over it in my head for weeks. It's hard to admit you are failing at that which you love the most. It's hard to have humility and tell others about your mistakes, let along thousands of people on the internet. I know I'm going to get it figured out, because I always do, but in the mean time I have no idea how to get there. So those of you who have outstanding orders with me, please know I am not ignoring you. I am seeing your emails. I am trying to get this stuff taken care of, but even processing paypal items has a queue. Just replying to those emails takes me hours every day, and I don't even reply to all of the ones I need to. I am months behind on things I owe to friends as well. I don't want to take your money and leave you in the lurch, that's the *last* thing I would ever want to do.

My ankle is still broken and I spend a lot of time worrying about it. It isn't super painful, but after a long day of chasing a toddler around it bothers me. Sometimes I wake up and there are weird blood pools under my skin around the ankle. I'm worried about what is going to happen, since my Dr's have told me basically nothing I am trying to figure it out on my own. I'm worried about permanent nerve damage (it's often asleep or numb) and not being able to fix it. Last time I was at the Dr they told me that maybe even with pins in it it wouldn't heal. So, what, am I supposed to walk around with a broken ankle for the rest of my life? They told me surgery would be scheduled in August... well, it's September soon and I am still wondering. Nobody wants to talk to me about it, even my husband seems to avoid the subject. People ask me how it is doing and are amazed at what I do and how much I run around on an ankle broken in two places. I ask myself the same things actually.

I recently found out that the girl who did this to me is pregnant and naming her son Jude. It really hurt me a lot when I found out. Now our children are going to grow up together and both be little Jude's. I know this means that she was supposed to come into my life for a reason, but I still wish she hadn't. I hope when her child is 10 months old she realizes how much she screwed up my life. There was a point where we didn't know if we would have a place to live anymore because we were so broke and I couldn't work, I was just off of maternity leave as well so I couldn't get any sort of disability insurance (something came along to help us, just when we thought we couldn't be helped anymore - funny how that works, isn't it?). Anyways, I forgive her, but just want all of this to be over - it's been 8 months now. I'm ready for my life to return to normal.

Things have been going on in our family as well. Births, deaths, sicknesses, joy, and sadness. Anyways, basically, what I am trying to say in this post is that wow, life is heavy! :) I'm trying not to lose my smile.. I'm going to figure it out like I always do.. I just hope I find an answer soon. Thank you all for being here for me, for liking my crafts, for liking me as a person in general :) I appreciate so much all of the friends I have met online over the years - just because we have never "met" doesn't mean you are any less important to me! Anyways, that's enough rambling.

XO

25 comments:

Brenda Weaver said...

Chelsea, I'm so sorry that you have been feeling overwhelmed, over worked and under so much stress! Life is hard sometimes. I hope you can find someone who can help you out a bit with your workload. Sounds like you need someone to share the burden. If I live near you I would love to help you out. If there's anything I can do, please let me know. I'll be praying for you that you'll have the strength and stamina you need and that you would be able to find some help with getting your ankle taken care of.
Hang in there, sweetie!
Hugs.

Mrs.Kwitty said...

Awwww... (((hug)))

You are so right, life gets "heavy" sometimes. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I'm a bit older than you *understatement of the year* and can tell you that this too will pass and things will be better. It's hard when you are young and have young children--but it is also the best time of your life (as you will find out in a few years!)

Remember, you can only do as much as you can do, don't be afraid to say no or take some time to yourself, the blogs can wait.

Get someone to help you get your orders out so you don't have that weighing on your mind.

Family comes first (that includes yourself, as the Mommy/Wife is a MAJOR component of the family!)

Hang in there and MAKE the doctors take care of that ankle!! Man, that is ridiculous!
Hugs, Karen

conner.ash said...

Hey! So sorry to hear about your ankle. I've heard mention of it through your blogs and twitter but didn't realize that you were waiting to have it fixed. That really stinks. I do hope that you are able to get it taken care of soon. Keep your chin up. You've done great with your business so far. Stay honest (just like you are) and your customers will stand behind you. I'm praying you'll figure things out and get caught up as soon as possible. :)

Marissa said...

wub <3

Nerissa Alford said...

Hi Chelsea
Please take care of yourself. I pray you find the right path for you & your family.
Sending lots of {{hugs}}
Nerissa

lori marie said...

hang in there. girl. we all feel this way. you just gotta go with the flow. one day at a time, you're a star and you can do whatever you set your heart and mind to.

sending you positive energy and wishing you a wonderful week of getting everything under control.

love and hugs
lori

Connie's Crafts 4 Kids said...

Chelsea,
I'm a brand new follower, and I must tell you how much I admire you! Your plate is much too full with much too much, and I pray for clarity so you can figure out what to do with it all!

I wish you comfort, peace; and lots of good, reassuring hugs. Thanks so much for your transparency and willingness to be so vulnerable.

Yes, folks will stand behind a gal like you... you're a breath of fresh air, and I'm happy to be one of your new Tweeps! : )

Bless you, and I pray that God's angels bring speedy healing for your ankle, and immediate solutions for ALL of the rest of your needs!

Bless you, Child
Connie
: )
*Big hug*

"Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses.

He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions." Psalm 107:19,20

Clair@Obstinate Pursuit said...

Chelsea. Just wanted to say 'hey' and 'I'm still here if you need anything'. Stay honest and true to yourself and it will all come righ in the end. Clair x

Jessica said...

Chelsea,
You do have a full plate. Just make sure you don't miss out on spending time with sweet Jude. Feels good to vent huh?

Anonymous said...

Hey Chelsea

Just wanted to let you know that everything WILL work out in the end. Everything happens for a reason. In every hardship there is a lesson to be learned.
Dont know the story behind who did what that you mentioned above (some girl naming her child your lil' munchkins' name) - but she was meant to be in your life for a reason, be it good or bad.
Im thinking the ankle-lesson was to teach you to slow down a little bit. It sounds like you are trying to do too much. Dont be afraid to ask for help.
I will put you in our positive intention book at work and I will be sending you lots of love, joy, healing, perseverance and peace.
Stay strong.

Jenny

Diana Fisher said...

Sending you a BIG hug. I've been there, and it is survivable. I'm sure that doesn't really help a whole lot, but your outlook for the future seems optimistic, and that is a step in the best direction. Virtual hugs from me!!

kristi said...

you are simply fabulous. but now I know you're human too! thanks for the honest post, stay positive and try do something really nice for yourself today....

Adirondack Metal Designs said...

You have expressed your feelings well and hopefully you find some comfort just by doing that. Your customers will understand...they are all like you in some way too! Most customers are moms, small business owners or busy in other ways! Be easy on yourself...take a deep breath and step back(carefully in your case) and remember my favorite quote:"If it's not fatal, it's no big deal." Just take what good fortune has come your way with business (be careful what we wish for right?)and get to it as you can. Priority is you!
Hugs & Good thoughts to you!
Brenda

polka dot skies said...

Hi Chelsea,
I just want you to know that I am thinking about you! Life can be so overwhelming sometimes. When we are in the midst of it, it can be awful and seem impossible to fix. I hope you can find some rest and a way to heal your ankle.
You and your family are in my prayers.
I admire you for being so open and honest in your post today.
Elizabeth K

Sue a/k/a MOUSEMOM40 said...

I said a prayer for you after I read your post and I'm going to keep praying for you. You've got so much on your plate! My goodness! Something I do when I get overwhelmed with "things to do" is to identify what is bothering me the most. What's causing me the most angst? Then I start taking care of it immediately. Sometimes it takes getting that one BIG thing out of the way and then it frees up your energy to whittle away at the rest. I wish I lived closer to you so I could help you out! Keep your chin up, Chelsea - you're fabulous!

Swirlyarts said...

You must sleep!!!! I get overwhelmed with Cuteable a lot and with trying to get Swirlyarts up and running more and more (and life in between) and I find that I need to get my sleep otherwise I am no good to anyone :) Now go to bed at a reasonable time tonight!

i'm andie... said...

hi chelsea!

boy oh boy can i relate, as i think most of everyone can! i know within the past couple of months i have had some serious breakdowns about different things in my life too...i'm 25, so we're not so far apart in age. i cried and cried all day at work because i was so stressed. i wrote a letter to my boss to apologize, but all i could really say was that "growing up is hard and i'm trying to deal with it all." i think that is all you can do and hope that the people around you are loving and understanding. i mostly worry about money because there is never enough to go around to cover the bills...i worry that i'll never be able to have a baby because i can barely make ends meet for myself, let alone another person. it's just all different problems, one after another.

i mainly want to say just hang in there, rainbows appear out of gray skies. seems like whenever i'm at the lowest i see a little bit of sunshine to pull me through. hopefully you can too.

xoxo andie...

alexkeller said...

all i can say is take care of yourself first. take care of your family. blog less, tweet less, work less - close your shop for a bit if you must - your customers will understand. heal yourself and find balance.

Snug N Luv said...

Oh hon! Hang in there. I understand how you feel!!!

You seem like a healthy, together, Canadian Chick! It will get better. When I feel like that I try to remember what is important to me and focus on that.

You are a sweetie! Thanks for the honest post.

Chris said...

I've been wondering what has been happening with you when your posting became much more sporadic. I wish it was easy enough to be able to help you in some way. You're a wonderful artist, and it sounds like you're such a dedicated mother. Don't loose faith. Admitting you're in over your head is the first step to being able to help yourself. Good luck to you as you continue on this journey.

Yeah Hello said...

Thank you for your courage and honesty Chelsea, it takes a strong woman to reach out and share such personal struggles. I truly hope you are able to find peace soon regarding all aspects of your health.
Wishing you well!

Silke said...

Oh, Honey, this is my first time to your blog (it's gorgeous!!) and I just want to give you a big hug! Life can be so overwhelming, can't it?! And it seems that sometimes everything happens at the same time and even good stuff gets to be too much! I'm just happy you have a loving husband and such a sweet little boy! It will smooth out for you again and all that'll be left will be the wonderful expansion you are experiencing in your business. :) In the meantime, I send you lots of good energy for your ankle to heal fast!! Hugs, Silke

Desiree said...

I stumbled onto your blog a while ago while looking at scraproom layouts and have been following it ever since. I love your shop and the sweet girly stuff you make.

After reading your post, i have to say something that you may not want to hear and people may take the wrong way, but i'm going to say it.
Have the breakdown. Scream and cry and yell all you want to. Break something, hit something (not the baby though). Maybe cuss a little bit and have too much to drink. Just do not hold it all in and think that you don't have a right to. You do. You have a right to be upset and overwhelmed and stressed. You have a right to want to grab your purse and run out the door, head to the nearest place and just cry and moan. there is no shame in that or shame in resenting what you consider drains on your energy.
A lot of times people feel that if things have been going their way for a bit, when things get down they don't have any room to complain. that's not true. Just cause you're breathing does not make it a good day and does not mean that you can't be unhappy.

So, I'm going to go make you a big drink of mostly liquor and sit quietly while you let it all out. Take care and remember to scream every once and a while. It does help :).

ittybittybirdy said...

oh hunny bunny. Take a moment and breath... your doing fine. Life is that way from time to time and you will get through it. Take time and ENJOY it as much as you can. I am so proud of you and I knew you would make it to this point. But funny how they just creep up in you. If you need help in anyway you just say it. I'll put a few items posts in the que for the papercakes finds blog for you.

MUCH LOVE!!!!!!
Chelsea Ann

Rose Charles said...

Hey, me again (just left a comment on your recent post)

WOW that is a lot, and there are so many hard things you are coping with. I can totally appreciate you must be all over the place - I have had a few rough years myself, culminating in being diagnosed with Fibromylgia earlier this year and being made redundant because of my inability to cope with a full-time office job.

I guess my attitude now is sometimes the sh-t stuff happens for a reason, and at some point you see the light at the end of the tunnel. My "business" is nowhere near as successful as yours - I am still amazed at each sale I make! lol - but even if I get a few orders at once it's hard to turn them around in a short-time. BUT I guess I can be thankful that I can work on things I enjoy, creative bits and pieces and earn SOME money out of it (even if it's not a lot right now!), and spend some time with my daughter (much more than what I could have while working an office job full time) and that it fits in around my illness, so I don't feel completely useless!!

I really hope your ankle clears up - I haven't been blogging all that long, so I don't know the history of how it happened, and this girl, but I honestly believe that people who cause you pain (physical, emotional etc) are sooo not worth it. You need to get her out your head so you can move on in your life and get all this good stuff that is coming to you! People that are bad get what is coming to them in the end.

I really hope you get your ankle sorted, that sounds so painful :-(

I hope you have a great weekend :-)

Rose XXX