So, this blog post has been a long time coming. In forming in my head, and in finding the time to sit down and actually type it out and post.
So much has been happening in my life the last few months :) My Etsy shop has taken off and my websites seem to be quite popular. I've got a flea market booth and some items soon to be in local shops. I'm hoping to start teaching classes in the fall as well and am launching a paper*cakes crafts site .
Anyways, right now, summer has been so busy I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I feel like I'm trying and trying and trying to get things done, and they just don't get done. I don't even sleep anymore - I recently went over 40 hours without sleeping. Hubby and I have been fighting over "who does enough" - which is stupid, because we both do as much as we can. The heat has been driving me crazy, I am a very white girl and not meant to withstand 40 celcius plus some crazy ass humidex! (don't get me wrong, this summer has been amazing, but it's time for the seasons to change!)
My online popularity has *exploded* recently, which is AWESOME - but sometimes I don't know how to handle all of the things that go with that. Sometimes, it's weird to be recognized at the store :) with this popularity has come a lot of orders and a lot on interest in the things I'm doing. So much so that I can officially no longer keep up and am admitting on my blog that I am behind behind, I am so behind I can see four years ago in the distance LOL.
This post has been really hard for me to type.. I've been going over it in my head for weeks. It's hard to admit you are failing at that which you love the most. It's hard to have humility and tell others about your mistakes, let along thousands of people on the internet. I know I'm going to get it figured out, because I always do, but in the mean time I have no idea how to get there. So those of you who have outstanding orders with me, please know I am not ignoring you. I am seeing your emails. I am trying to get this stuff taken care of, but even processing paypal items has a queue. Just replying to those emails takes me hours every day, and I don't even reply to all of the ones I need to. I am months behind on things I owe to friends as well. I don't want to take your money and leave you in the lurch, that's the *last* thing I would ever want to do.
My ankle is still broken and I spend a lot of time worrying about it. It isn't super painful, but after a long day of chasing a toddler around it bothers me. Sometimes I wake up and there are weird blood pools under my skin around the ankle. I'm worried about what is going to happen, since my Dr's have told me basically nothing I am trying to figure it out on my own. I'm worried about permanent nerve damage (it's often asleep or numb) and not being able to fix it. Last time I was at the Dr they told me that maybe even with pins in it it wouldn't heal. So, what, am I supposed to walk around with a broken ankle for the rest of my life? They told me surgery would be scheduled in August... well, it's September soon and I am still wondering. Nobody wants to talk to me about it, even my husband seems to avoid the subject. People ask me how it is doing and are amazed at what I do and how much I run around on an ankle broken in two places. I ask myself the same things actually.
I recently found out that the girl who did this to me is pregnant and naming her son Jude. It really hurt me a lot when I found out. Now our children are going to grow up together and both be little Jude's. I know this means that she was supposed to come into my life for a reason, but I still wish she hadn't. I hope when her child is 10 months old she realizes how much she screwed up my life. There was a point where we didn't know if we would have a place to live anymore because we were so broke and I couldn't work, I was just off of maternity leave as well so I couldn't get any sort of disability insurance (something came along to help us, just when we thought we couldn't be helped anymore - funny how that works, isn't it?). Anyways, I forgive her, but just want all of this to be over - it's been 8 months now. I'm ready for my life to return to normal.
Things have been going on in our family as well. Births, deaths, sicknesses, joy, and sadness. Anyways, basically, what I am trying to say in this post is that wow, life is heavy! :) I'm trying not to lose my smile.. I'm going to figure it out like I always do.. I just hope I find an answer soon. Thank you all for being here for me, for liking my crafts, for liking me as a person in general :) I appreciate so much all of the friends I have met online over the years - just because we have never "met" doesn't mean you are any less important to me! Anyways, that's enough rambling.