Friday, August 28, 2009

This is Me - An Essay of Self - By Chelsea Ling :)

Hey, sup?

I was laying in bed tonight just thinking.. like I often do when I can't sleep but still want to rest, and I started thinking all about myself. That sounds kinda lame, but I guess this post is going to be pretty lame ;) (and long, just a heads up, this isn't titled as an essay for nothing) The last couple of years in my life have been very 'hectic' and I guess I have now come out the other side of that as a pretty cool person.

I am writing this post for a number of reasons... mostly just to get my thoughts out..(I sometimes don't like talking about my accomplishments, because I don't want people to notice me) but also because who better to read this than the people I talk to *all* the time?? I feel like the Internet knows me far better than I know myself and has for a very long time.. I also feel like there are many out there who can relate to me and might laugh at some of the things I have to say :) I originally thought of making this a scrapbook page, but once I started thinking of all of the things I wanted to say I knew I couldn't fit everything on a 12x12 page and still keep a decent design scheme (LOL).

I've recently learned that it's really important to be your true self at all times in all situations no matter what, and that's all you need to get through in life. I struggled with anxiety as a teen and after my son was born it all came back, waaaay back, and I didn't even realise it. Having a child and moving across the country and getting married (across the country) all in one year really did a number on me. I was completely lost. I was so sad and angry and anxious and I hated myself the most. Thankfully, my mother in law is amazing, and she shook some sense into me. I didn't like hearing it, but boy was she ever right. Anyways, now that I have accepted "me" all of the problems I had in life up until this point don't matter. The mistakes I've made don't define me. I'm happy and confident and in a good place in life, and good things are coming to me. I struggled with my weight all of my life and have lost 70 pounds since March (the beginning of all of this) without even trying. I've gone from a girl who was scared by almost everything, to a girl who wants to face her fears head on (yay!).

I have held myself back from posting things that were too personal, or too offensive on my blog because I haven't wanted to alienate any readers in the past.. but I have been letting more of my 'crazy' self come out on twitter lately (and in life) and more people seem to enjoy that than I would have ever thought. I've tried to type proper sentences rather than just typing in the way I would speak to someone because I wanted readers to think I was smart. Those days are gone - HA HA to you internet!

So, anyways. The rest of this post is going to be some facts about me... some interesting maybe, some maybe not :)

I was always teased in school, right from the get go and until the bitter end. I've always been the same weird arty girl with an awkward sense of humor. I have also never been "not fat" before in my life, so add that on top of the other stuff and I pretty much equaled a walking target. I'd also always really get upset which of course bullies LOVE. I've since learned not to do that ;)

I'm an only child, have always been considered smart, and love reading. I grew up with a single mom and had a very small family. I was always good in school but dropped out at 16. In eighth grade I stopped going to school regularly because I was tired of being teased and just wanted to play on the computer (sound familiar?) where I had friends. I passed grade eight with pretty good grades. In grade nine I pretty much only went to school for choir and social studies, and stopped going halfway through the year all together. They passed me anyways and I went to an alternative school for part of the year of grade 10, the rest I finished through distance learning on my own at home before deciding that I was bored and wanted a job. I got a job and took the GED exam.

My first job was a cashier which eventually turned into the makeup counter of the same store. I moved away to a bigger city by myself go to makeup school, and worked for a lot of different lines while also doing freelance jobs and weddings. I lived in a house above my best friend from makeup school and we had some awesome times together. Then, I met my husband on HOT OR NOT (no joke) and we started living together after about 1 month of chatting/seeing each other on the weekends (sometimes you just know when something is really right). After a year of dating I was pregnant and we had decided to move to PEI. We drove across Canada with a Honda full of our stuff one month before Jude was born. We stayed at my mother in law's house until we got our own place 4 days before I went into labour. I came home to a place full of boxes in a new city, never having held a child before my own. I started blogging again in May of '08 and opened my etsy shop in November. I broke my ankle on January 17th of '09 and it's still broken and that pretty much brings us up to present day.

I've always been very into the internet, and there are still people around from the days of my first websites that remember :) (hi guys). A lot of my friends, every guy I ever dated with the exception of HS boyfriends, and even my husband.. all came from the internet. I guess that could be taken in a way that would make me look really sad, but I don't see it as sad at all. I find it far easier to be open on the internet than I do with people in day to day life, which I'm sure many of you can relate to. I love the fact that I can learn so many things, about any subject, and from any point of view, at any time during any day. I am a knowledge junkie so the internet just gets me. I'm also an extremely visual person and I love to look at photos.. flickr changed my life, I swear (lol!). I pretty much grew up online.. a quick google of my name reveals almost my entire life. Dig a little deeper and you will also find out about a lot of my mistakes, which I wish weren't so easily vi sable but I guess they are a part of me too. FYI, don't use the internet for mischief or bad things or life will kick you in the ass. Recetly, I seem to be getting noticed a lot more than I ever have online, due to the fact that I live in a small town and the invention of twitter.

I'm a girly girl with a really gross guy stuck inside me. I dress like a lady, like being modest, and have strong values. But I really appreciate jokes about boners, and saying inappropriate things. I like to make fun of people, but out of love. I swear a lot. I like to pick fights with people online and stayed around one message board for seven years where everyone hated me, just because I loved a good political argument and the ability to ask all sorts of stupid questions and get answers ASAP. I am fairly liberal but vote NDP because I support the working man with a strong moustache. I'm Canadian as Canadian can be - I say "eh", love Tim Horton's, CBC, and MEDICINE FOR ALL. I would say that in general I am passive and agreeable, and would like to thank Canada for instilling that in me.

I've never really been a good employee because I find it really hard to devote myself to something without loving it, and like to stay out too late and not come in the next day. This also helped with the whole dropping out of school thing, since I never wanted to get up early enough. That's why I make a good mommy :) I have a flexible schedule and have to get up in the morning whether I like it or not - but I get to have naps so that rules!! I'm a night owl and do my best work at night(especially since I have had a child, the day is devoted to diapers and milk), which sometimes leads to me not sleeping at times.

I love love loooooooooove music and took 9 years of classical voice lessons. I was in a lot of choirs as a kid and went to band camp (ha ha) a few times. I wanted to go to Europe with school/choir but the dropping out thing kinda ended that.(A lot of the girls I went to school with are doing things like broadway or singing in Europe and I wonder what could have been if I had gotten a music degree, because I know I have a talent that could get me places if I applied myself. I sometimes still wonder but know that I am not in the place in life right now to devote myself to university and may never be. For now, I feel content borrowing my friend's textbooks and discussing my thoughts with the internet). I love singing still and sing almost all day. I sing TV theme songs, I narrate what I am doing in song, and I always sing in the car. I am obsessed with musicals, and my favorite thing that ever happened on TV was the Buffy musical episode. I love all music of all genres, but my all time favorite band is Death Cab for Cutie with a side of lifelong devotion to David Bowie. I have seen a lot of live music and hope to see a lot more before I die. My friends have all seen much more live music than I have, and for that they are infinitely cooler than I am.

I've always been crafty, and can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't making something. I have the kitchen table that belonged to my family when I was growing up, and beneath the current spraypaint stains are some neon paint stains that came from me painting things in the 1990's. I remember getting my tonsils out at age five and getting to make glittery crafts in the common room of the hospital with the other sick kids, so life was aight. In my teens I got really into makeup, and spent a long time obsessed with makeup until becoming disinterested in the industry and it's cattyness. I still love makeup and painting faces... it's just like crafts.

I'm easy to talk to and I don't judge people or situations. I try to see all sides of an issue, and put myself in other people's shoes. People tell me their secrets, and I am good at keeping them, but bad at keeping my own. I am good at lying and manipulating people, but choose not to because I am not a jerk :) However, this gives me a good poker face and people never really know what I'm up to sometimes.

I've had issues with alcohol, drugs, and anger. I've destroyed many a living room and caused many a ruckus without remembering it the next day, but am happy to say that no longer happens and any ruckus I may cause currently will be harmless. I like to go out and talk to people I like, see bands, and smoke on weekends.

I love ALL religions, and am obsessed with the origins of people in general. And why people do what they do.. Why we have this moral compass in us that's s instinctive. I have a thing for Jesus, he was such a hottie, and son of god or not he sure got a lot of people to remember him and had a kickass message. I dislike the organization/business aspect of religion. I don't believe that an all loving and all knowing god would judge his or her creations. I believe that the idea of god is something human and that the true nature of the concept of god is something very beyond our understanding. I love reading/watching documentaries about ancient civilizations and lost times. I believe in magic, and strongly believe in karma, and treating others the way I want to be treated. I am nice to a fault and will give someone the shirt off of my back if they need it. I sometimes end up taken advantage of, but am so nice that usually I am ok with it. I feel like the nicer you are to the world, the nicer the world will be to me when I need it, and this has proven to be true for me. I don't do much for myself beyond the creative things I do and the need to be on the internet all the time - and that's the way I like it. I get insane fulfillment from making the lives of other people better. I want to share my knowledge with the world and I want to be remembered. I believe in the power of thought, and love that a tiny idea in my head can manifest into anything. Anything! That is so neat - and leads back into why I love crafts and being creative.

I like run on sentences.

Now that you know all about me - I want to know about you. I want you to write a post like this on your blog, and then send me the link :) Writing this felt really nice... I bet it would for you as well. I'm interested in the people who are interested in me, and as you would have learned if you read this entire post - interested in people in general. So tell me your story. Tell the world your story, why not? :)

Finally, to end this post, Matt says "you're gonna looooooooooove my nuts!".

xo

7 comments:

IronBoxNelles said...

this entire essay sums up nicely why i love you! you're a rock solid chick, and i wish we didn't live far away from each other. miss you lots, and i look forward to hang outs at christmas

xoxo

keep writing like this! i love it.

ps- vince and i also really met on the interwebz.

Christina said...

I wrote about myself not long ago on my blog...feel free to visit! http://considerthecoffee.blogspot.com/2009/08/who-am-i-find-out-more-if-you-want.html

Rose Charles said...

Hi Chelsea,

I have found that people appreciate it if you are yourself - there are more than a few people out there in blogland I think that would like you to beleive their lives are 100% perfect. I have no problem with that, but think that it is sad some people can't be who they are for whatever reason.

It is refreshing to read something so honest - parts of your life I can relate to so much.

I like to think everything I write on my blog is "me" (warts and all, sometimes I feel sorry for my folllowers!) but I did have a bit of a "heart-to-heart" when I got made redundant recently! http://victoriarosepapercrafts.blogspot.com/2009/07/end-of-era-and-start-of-something-new.html, plus I talk about my dad and his alcoholism a fair bit - normally when he is in hospital, sometimes you need to talk about things but can't "out loud".

ps. I met Chris on the 'net!

I hope you have a great weekend :-)

Rose XXX

Clair@Obstinate Pursuit said...

Chelsea. You rock. And, actually, you could quite easily have written my essay for me - that's why I like to hang out here. Still, I might give it a go myself soon. Keep in touch lady pops x

Nancy said...

Thanks for sharing your story with us...I'll let you know if I ever decide to write that much about myself ;)

xo.sorcha.ox said...

omg. you are my doppleganger.
(i wonder which one of us is the evil one?)
~S.

ittybittybirdy said...

hehe matt is such a dork as are you gf!!!!! I'm not sure I am ready to be quite that honest but I do share alot about what is going on in my life now. I share some childhood too but personally I would rather forgive and forget that part of my life. We have much in common and yet a lot not in common... but I can see why we are friends for shizzle! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! and I think you are such a great great great person don't change a bit!


Hugs!

Chelsea Ann