Regrets

Sigh. I am feeling pretty crappy today, and not just because of the hangover. Last night Matt and I went out, and spent way too much money on things like cover, cab fare, liquor, and bad (but so goood) chinese food which I like to refer to as "China Balls". I feel like a complete A-hole because money is tight right now and we made a very unwise, irresponsible choice by going out. We did have a fun time, but the next day guilt is totally not worth it. I am somebodies mommy, I shouldn't be pulling crap like this anymore. On the other hand, I've only just turned 22 and I don't feel like my life should be over, either. I'm not sure how to find the proper balance. I hate feeling like I should be punishing myself for having a good time, but I need to have fun sometimes too.

I'm missing Courtney really badly today. So bad that I cry when I think about her. Before I left, I didn't really allow myself to think about how bad being so far apart was going to be. The worst part is, she has nobody where she is and I feel awful for her because she's having a bit of a rough time. I just want to hug her and hang out and have mommy times together. I saw two mommies in the park yesterday walking and laughing and I just wished it was Courtney and I so badly. At least I will get to see her in July...

Yes, that's right, July. I was trying to refrain from announcing this on facebook or this blog because family members read here and I wanted to keep it a secret so I could surprise them.. but I can't keep it in... I'm coming home in July for a week. The reason we are coming home is a shitty one - a very close family friend is sick and we don't think she will live until my wedding in September when we would get to see her. I couldn't live with myself if she never got to meet my baby and if I moved away and then never got to see her again. However, it will be amazing to go home and see family and friends and introduce them to baby Jude. I am not going to tell my Grandfather at all though, I'm just going to show up with Jude and surprise the heck out of him. He's going to LOVE it.

I'm going to close this post by saying:

Fark, I can't believe it is June already.